I didn’t mean it, truly I didn’t. Today, I went out for brunch with some girlfriends (that’s right, I had a moment to myself without baby stretching her arms out and repeating “mum mum mum” over and over again!) and one of my friends told us she is expecting. Knowing she has been wanting this for so long, we could not have been happier for her. We smiled, we asked the usual questions, due date, scans etc. Then, me and the other Mum of the group started in with the truth bombs. It was all with good intentions. After all, most of us come out of the other side of the first six months of parenthood cursing those who didn’t tell us what to expect. I felt I was doing her a favour.
We started with breastfeeding. My friend looked the expectant mum in the eye and said deliberately: “Breastfeeding. Is. Hard. Nobody tells you that. Don’t pressure yourself. If you can’t do it, don’t let it get to you. It’s so hard. It’s so, so hard.” You could hear her own trauma through the words. I had to agree, after having a small baby who wouldn’t latch and, when she would, would fall asleep, gifting me with three months of feeding and pumping and pushing through the “give up” point. Sure, it’s easy now, but it was hell for what felt like eternity.
Related: Peeing on a stick
Next, we talked about the blood. That’s right, it’s gross, and maybe that’s why nobody talks about it. I thought having a cesarean would mean little of the icky stuff. But no – nobody prepared me for the need of jumbo packs of … I don’t know, what would you call them? Pillow pads?! Pads so thick that your pubic area looks much like that of your nappy-wearing baby. And believe me, they are necessary. For days. Sometimes weeks. That’s all I’ll say on the matter – I may have been more graphic at brunch, but that was between friends!
After that came talk of the night sweats, that lovely period where your body is expelling all the extra fluid you carried while you were pregnant. I thought I was sick. I thought I had an infection and should rush into hospital. Nope. It’s normal. Another of those things nobody tells you about. Oh, and the hair loss! So much hair loss. My friend laughed, talking about how she could have braided herself an extra blanket with her hair.
Related: What I would do different if I got pregnant again
As we went on, the expectant mother started to pale (as I’m writing this, I’m realising that most people would). In fact, you could see the fear creeping over her face, as the words spilled over the table. One of my friends turned to me, sympathy in her eyes, and said, “now tell her it’s all worth it”. I did, and it absolutely is. One thing I’ve forgotten is that when parents speak to parents that’s an unwritten given. We don’t have to say, “but I wouldn’t change anything for the world”, we know that – but outside of parenthood, it all just sounds downright scary without that side note! It’s true, I would not change a moment, but gosh I wish someone had’ve told me some of the crazy things that happen when you have a new baby (then again, most us have probably forgotten through our haze of sleep deprivation, cracked nipples and constipation – there I go again).
Next: Breaking the parenting rules
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I think all parents have been there. I spent last night telling my poor cousin and his wife who are just starting the trying phase how tough it is and how you never get any sleep. I went on for about an hour until I realized that I needed to say something positive about kids and thank goodness my kids were actually being good that day. Don’t be too hard on yourself. I think we all just want people to understand that it isn’t all flowers, roses and sweet smelling babies. #AnythingGoes
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Wow, I can see why you’re friend was terrified lol. It is all good stuff to know though. At least now she won’t have the “is this normal or am I dying” panic!
Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes 🙂
Debbie
http://www.myrandommusings.blogspot.com
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There really are so many things waiting to surprise you after having a baby! There’s also the sudden tingles through your boobs (and possibly leaking) whenever a baby cries. Also, I don’t think everyone realises how long it can take for the bump to go (and women really need to know that so they don’t take their usual sized jeans to hospital thinking they’ll be able to waltz home in them!
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I’m still waiting for my bump to go… 😀
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I think honesty is important. Good on you. Knowledge is power!
x Alice
#Anythinggoes
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And there was me wondering when we should start trying for number two. Not yet then 🙂
I totally forgot about the sweats.
Ugh.
Thanks for the literary contraception 🙂
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Hehehehe whoops! So easily done. I love talking about everything child birth and early days baby, probably because despite the horror it really is the most amazing time that, like you said, we just wouldn’t change for the world! Xx
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I have two children, and a friend of mine is pregnant with her second. I’m sure I’ve scared the life out of her on a few occasions, talking about how hard it can be to juggle two kids and how tired it leaves you! I have to remember to point out how wonderful it is to have them both! x #TwinklyTuesday
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I think it’s good to know the truths beforehand. I’m currently suffering with the postnatal hair loss, and if one of my extremely honest Mum friends hadn’t warned me I would have totally assumed I was dying (or worse). #TwinklyTuesday x
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It’s funny how a lot people forget to tell you those little things when you are pregnant. There was a lot I found out after I had my son. Heaps actually! I was never told some of these things, so it was a complete shock. The hair loss was horrendous! I thought there was something wrong with me!! #TwinklyTuesday
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Haha I am trying not to completely scare my pregnant sister, but someone’s got to tell it like it is right? #twinklytuesday
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Forewarned is forearmed so it’s good to know about some of the things that will be coming your way. But having the Tubblet makes it all worth it. Even the endless Selena Gomez
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Haha – this is so easily done. I’ve really had to bite my tongue around pregnant friends before now. It is hard and it isn’t glamorous, but it is pretty amazing too. Funny post #TwinklyTuesday
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Visiting from Twinkly Tuesday
i feel like every mother I knew terrified the process of giving birth and having a baby, but when I look back on it all, I would do it again. Birth was easy, pregnancy was easy, aftermath was easy I was very lucky. I think the hype of what could happen scares mothers most than what does happen. I thought I was going to die in pregnancy and here I am. But it is 100% worth it.
liz @ sundays with sophie
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Aww bless her, I understand why she was scared hearing all that but she will be grateful you told her in the end. I had a woman tell me she had 60stitches after she gave birth, safe to say I spent the rest of my pregnancy extra terrified of labour!xx #TwinklyTuesday
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This is so funny! Sometimes it is good to be prepared…the stuff they don’t tell you about!
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Haha! This is so true! I agree that a lot of women don’t mention this side of things and it does help to know it….just maybe not after the first scan! Hee Hee!! Your friend will thank you once baby is here xx #twinklytuesday
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On the bright side, if you scare her quite enough, she’ll be shocked at how easy it is! That’s where I found myself. I remembered all the insanity of my baby sister in the house when I was 10, and it was all so much easier with my twins… given that as an adult I was able to sort things exactly as I wanted them! Thanks for linking with #TwinklyTuesday.
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