After writing my first Christmas-themed blog, it occurred to me: Santa is a felon! That’s right, this guy is committing all sorts of crimes and getting away with it, year-on-year, by spoiling our little ones with presents he created through slave labour! Let’s go through this step by step.
Slave labour
Let’s start with the elves. These little guys work year-in, year-out, working long, long hours, complete with hauling presents onto a sleigh. Never have I heard of these little guys getting holiday penalty rates, overtime, or high-risk pay. In fact, by all accounts it seems that room and board is their compensation. Someone call the Fair Work Ombudsman, these little guys need to unionise.
Related: ‘Tis the season to start an argument
Animal cruelty
OK, maybe this is a stretch, maybe the reindeer are treated well. But flying around the world in one night? That’s a bit of an ask, right? I mean, would we go galloping around on a horse for 24 hours without a break? And what’s with Rudolph’s nose? Something isn’t right there. These poor reindeer are being exploited, and someone needs to step in and take action.
Stalking
He knows if you’ve been naughty or nice? Stalker much?
Breaking and entering
Any other day of the year, and you’d be calling the cops if a fat man made his way down your chimney. Or worse, found a way in through one of your doors or windows. Santa is clearly dodging numerous breaking and entering charges, but continues to thwart justice each and every year.
He steals our food and drink
Yes, I left some delicious cookies and a glass of scotch out on the table. Why not? But I get up in the morning and this burglar has not only made his way into my house, he has eaten my treats?! I’m not having it. That’s good scotch he’s drinking, which leads us to …
He drink drives
How many boozy drinks does Santa take in a night? I think it’s fair to say he is well over the limit on Christmas Eve, quite possibly on the brink of death, yet we let him fly our skies, alongside aeroplanes, and shimmy his way into our house. It’s a wonder any of the kids get the right gifts.
Littering
Probably due to his drunken stupor, Santa does nothing to hide his trail, often leaving behind reindeer droppings and crumbs for us to clean up in the morning. Sometimes, the little prick even leaves behind glitter, which I find months later stuck to my cheek.
You might also like: Why I don’t give a f$%& about Halloween
I love this, that last line got me laughing loudly haha 🙂 What is it with glitter! #brilliantblogposts
Debbie
LikeLike
Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes
Debbie
LikeLike
Oh so true! Hilarious. Naughty Santa – can he put himself on the naughty list?? #brilliantblogposts
LikeLike
Haha, never thought about it that way! Especially the drink driving, naughty Santa! #effitfriday
LikeLike
Haha, oh he is a little monkey that Santa!! Great post, popping over from #effitfriday xx
LikeLike
Hahaha! That’s so true. Genius. Bad Santa…we knew all along! #EffitFriday
LikeLike
Oh I love this! I never considered the drink driving but he only gets milk in our house….
LikeLike
Hehe, so true! I’m sure we could get him on false advertising too 🙂 #effitfriday
LikeLiked by 1 person
😂😂
You’re so right! And I’m going to have words with him this year! If he thinks he’s going to leave snowy footprints and glitter all through my house again he’s got another think coming!
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is funny. I always wondered if anyone else doubted Santa’s integrity at times.
LikeLike
The drink driving and the stalker behaviour…gosh I never thought of that! #effitfriday
LikeLike
Ha ha bloody Santa! Mrs Christmas probably does all the hard-work and ole FC gets all the praise. #TwinklyTuesday
LikeLike
Ha ha – I love this! Just last week I pointed out his drink driving myself! Terrible. Safety first, Santa!
Thanks for sharing and cheering up my drizzly morning 🙂 #twinklytuesday
LikeLike
Ha ha – I love this! Just last week I pointed out his drink driving myself! Terrible. Safety first, Santa!
Thanks for sharing and cheering up my drizzly morning 🙂 #twinklytuesday
LikeLike
Not to mention this dude just sets a horrible example for fitness and health as he frumps along with the dadbod, AMIRITE? Santa is such a slacker. LOL … Thanks for the chuckle and for linking up on #twinklytuesday
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahahahaha!!!!! So funny! And so true!!!!!! My husband was explaining to our 3 year old today that the elves spent all year making the presents, to which he replied ‘why doesn’t santa just go to the shops?’ Excellent question I thought!!!!!!!!
This has really made me chuckle!
#twinklytuesday
LikeLike