Dear baby,

It’s actually closer to week 11 than week 10, but I’m going to write week 10 anyway. Your Aunty S turned 21 this weekend so we were at the beach celebrating with her (I with sparkling water, your Dad with lots of beers and wine). Your Aunty S hasn’t dealt very well with the fact that I can’t drink at her party next weekend – it is, after all, something I can usually be relied upon to do. I’m sure she’ll get over it though.

Anyway, I was going to write yesterday but I was very, very sick. I now vomit multiple times each day. If this thing doesn’t ease up by 12 weeks, I will not be happy! Suffice to say, I’m pretty sure you’re never getting a brother or sister. I can’t cope with this again. It was even worse today – it was 41 degrees and I was on a packed tram with no air. Now, while I can see my little pot protruding, most people would think I was just a bit fat so there was no chance of a seat. I could’ve asked, but I feel bad. It’s 41 degrees! So I suffered in silence and just waited for the journey to end!

So, it’s been a pretty tough week. It’s hardest at work. People keep asking me if I’m OK (I must look like shit), and I’m not OK, but I can’t tell them why so I just pretend I am. I’m kind of looking forward to having it all out in the open in a few weeks. I’m thinking 14 weeks will be a good time to reveal all, because by then all the relevant tests will have been done and we can just focus on being happy that you’re coming. Hopefully I won’t be sick! Being sick makes it hard to focus on being happy.

So, I read this week that you have fingernails and have learnt to swallow. I have no idea what you’d be swallowing in there because as far as I know you’re feeding from a tube. It still doesn’t feel real like you’re in there. I mean, I’m getting fatter (early too! Thanks for that. Your Aunty B wasn’t even showing at 12 weeks and I’m sticking out at 10!), but that doesn’t really mean much. I just feel like I’ve overindulged. I guess once we have the ultrasound next week, it will be more real.

In the meantime, I’ve been thinking about all those things I won’t do when I’m a parent. And by that I don’t mean “go out all night and get drunk”. I’m thinking of all the other parents I know and thinking what I don’t want to do that they do. For instance, today my friend was writing about her kids’ poo on Facebook today. That’s right, poo! I swear and declare I will never put information about your fecal matter on a social media site! Nor will I make a picture of you my profile picture. Sure, a picture with you, but not you alone. I know I’m going to love you, but I’m not going to lose my identity for you … at least I’m going to try not to!

I wonder what kind of world you’ll live in as an adult. Will social media still be around? I daresay that whatever way you’re communicating does not even exist now. I think back to 20 years ago. I was 12, there were no mobile phones, if there were, they weren’t in my life. We had no computer at home, no internet, we may not have even had a CD player yet – your grandparents are very late adopters! DVDs hadn’t been invented, HD TV was a dream, airbags weren’t in cars and power steering was a luxury afforded to few. It’s funny to think how much has changed in my lifetime. It’s probably going to change even more in your time. By the time you get to reading this I‘ve probably got to the point in my life where I can’t be bothered learning any new technology. Though I certainly hope that prediction is untrue – I’d hate that!

Next: Week 11

Previous: Week 9

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