It has been a great year. I am forever grateful to myself for working right into my 39th week. In fact, I worked until three days before little miss made her appearance, meaning I got almost a full year at home with her. Many people told me I should’ve finished earlier to have some time to myself. What for? I’d had time to myself for nearly 33 years. I didn’t need to use that time – I wanted to spend it with my girl. That year, however, has come to an end.
That’s right, yesterday I donned the heels and the compendium and went to work. I hadn’t allowed myself time to think about what it would be like. I was more focused on how missy would cope without her Mumma and, if I’m to be honest, how I would cope without her. So, when i walked into work and made myself to my desk – which my colleagues had thoughtfully decorated with pictures of my girl reading the magazine we work on – it felt no different to how it felt a year ago. In fact, I felt like I could get started on everything right away.
Sure, some things had changed, but in essence the politics, the job, the highlights … they were all the same. And thank goodness for that. It made me realise that I could do it. It made me remember the career-focused woman I was up until a year ago. Of course I could do it, and do it well. For me, going back to work was a reminder of who I was pre-baby. I guess my worries were due to the fact that the two people – career woman and Mumma – had never coexisted, so I couldn’t reconcile that. But you know what? They can coexist, and well. In fact, being a mum means I can’t be weighed down by any bullshit. I can’t waste time second-guessing. I can’t get embroiled in workplace politics. I can just go in and do my job well, then go home and cuddle up with my little girl.
I know some people find going back to work really tough, and perhaps I will too – so far I’ve only completed one day and had a day off the following day so it’s hardly a good barometer of how it’s going to go – but I think going back to a job I love is going to help.
At the end of the day, it is just a job and not as important as family, but, hell, if you’re going to do it, it may as well be something you enjoy and that you’re passionate about.
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