Dear baby,

Well, it’s getting harder. It feels like you’re getting heavier and heavier, and it’s getting harder to get up off the couch. I groan every time I have to bend over or get up. Meanwhile, I’m still losing weight! I’m now down to just two kilos heavier than I was when you were conceived. The doctor isn’t worried though. He says you measure just what you should, so it’s more me that’s losing the weight. This is what happens when your Mum doesn’t eat cake or chocolate.

How it all began: Peeing on a stick

The weight loss may go some way to explaining what can only be described as absolute exhaustion. Yesterday, I didn’t understand how my eyes were still open and I was managing to function – I felt dead on my feet. This tiredness is something I have never experienced before. I’m prepared for a life of sleeplessness when you arrive, but feeling like this before you arrive was not in my plans at all!

They have me seeing the endocrinologist this week to figure out whether or not I need insulin. I’m in two minds about it. On one hand, I would like things to be a bit easier for me, and for me not to be feeling like everything I do is not helping. On the other hand, I don’t like the idea of being on insulin, or the risks that come with that, like me passing out from a lack of sugar. I’ve never been very good at eating at regular times, so I think I might struggle somewhat. We’ll see though.

Meanwhile, this week you are getting layers of cute little baby fat to keep you nice and warm when you come out towards the end of winter. Funny how you’re getting fat at the same time I’m losing all mine. I’m consoling myself with the fact that it should mean very little work to get back into shape once you’re here.

I’m so looking forward to you getting here now. I’m finding everything so hard, and I just want you here so that a new set of “hard” is in my life, with hopefully a lot of the others gone. In the meantime I have to work hard, get through a transition with a new boss, eat well, exercise daily, complete my French course for the term and attend antenatal classes. If you want to come early and get me out of some of that, feel free Missy. I’d be ever so grateful.

I hope this week’s entry makes sense. I’m so tired I don’t even know.

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