What a silly old post this is. Who is interested in reading all about the workings of a child – who, for most of my readership is – unknown to them. Nevertheless, I wanted to get this all down while I was thinking of it, so indulge me. Each and every day my child amazes me. I don’t know what I thought two-year-olds got up to, but I certainly didn’t expect all of these.

Hides food behind her back when she doesn’t want to eat it – seriously, the cheeky little minx puts it behind her back and announces “I’m finished!” Fortunately, her father and I are very familiar with this tactic, having done it ourselves, and the food finds its way into the mouth quick-smart.

Memorises an episode of Peppa Pig after a single viewing – almost word-for-word. How do I know? See the next one.

Related: The three-day potty training challenge

Role plays, constantly – I have spent the last week off, being Mummy Pig. Actually, hubby and I have now started calling each other Mummy and Daddy Pig when little miss isn’t around! All this from 15 minutes of evening viewing each night. Each role play usually starts by following an episode narrative before turning into something else entirely!

Crosses her legs – while sitting on a stool! Like a grown up. It’s truly bizarre.

Manipulates – I thought I had a few more years before missy started asking her father for something that I refused, but it has begun already. “Daddy, mummy said I couldn’t have any ice cream because I didn’t finish my dinner.” *cue blue eyes looking up at her father solemnly* Breaks your heart, doesn’t it?

Calls me on my shit – we’re trying to get out the door and missy is putting up a fight. “Right, we won’t go then. Don’t you want to see your friends?” I say. She looks at me carefully. She’s ready to call bullshit. “No,” she says. We both know she desperately does, but she’s ready to call my bluff. “Your move, mumma” her eyes say defiantly!

Shit, shit, shit – probably should’ve said “copies mummy and daddy”. Saying “shit” is hilarious! I’m still not sure whether I should tell her off or ignore it. The hard part is not laughing hysterically.

Challenges discipline – I didn’t quite know how to label it, but one of the latest things is, after a stern “that’s NOT funny!” she responds by cocking her head to the side, looking you in the eye and saying, “it’s a little bit funny.” After that, it always is!

Knows the names of her grandparents and her mummy and daddy – we are people too! She also knows her age and her street name, which I think it pretty impressive, but maybe it’s just normal for a two-year-old.

Basically, this list is to just say, “wow”. I had no idea two-year-olds do these things. They probably all do. Gosh, some are probably counting to 20 and writing their names. I just had no idea, pre-parenthood, having rarely encountered the species in its natural habitat. She’s not even 2.5 yet and already this massive cheeky, clever personality is showing and cracking me up every single day. The kid knows she’s funny, and I love her for it!

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