Dear baby girl,

Last night you went to your first wedding, how exciting! I wondered what it was like hearing all that loud music from in the womb. A little different from the “womby” music we’ve been playing you so far. In fact, some of it was downright offensive!

How it all began: Peeing on a stick

The wedding was for one of your Dad’s work friends. I knew nobody, and I had no liquid courage to get me through the night. It was certainly challenging. I was comforted by the fact that there were at least half a dozen other pregnant people there, some of whom were dancing around like they were full of champagne. I’m sorry to say that I didn’t dance a lot – I’ve never been one for jumping around, especially not sober! Your Dad, on the other hand, had a marvelous time. Suffice to say he’s lying in bed, nursing a hangover. It gives me some smug satisfaction to be feeling well while he’s struggling!

How is life without chocolate for you, baby girl? After weeks of living off it, I imagine it’s quite an adjustment in there. It certainly is for me! Fortunately, it seems to only take me three days or so to get over the cravings (after quitting smoking years ago, I think I can give up anything), but it hasn’t been easy. Meanwhile, I’m still not entirely convinced I have diabetes.

I saw the health nurse this week, and got told how to suck eggs by a dietician. Clearly, this ailment often impacts obese women who have no self control, or women who have no clue about diet. As someone who has obsessed about their weight for years, I am neither of these, so it felt a little patronising. Fortunately, I withheld my natural defensive instincts and kindly smiled and nodded as the nurse told me the difference between carbs, fat and protein (I mean, really!!).

So, for the past few days I have tested my blood four times a day. It’s not as bad as I thought – though regulating my meal times isn’t much fun. I like to eat when I want to eat, and having to give myself a two-hour break so I can test my blood is not the way to do that. However, my levels have been well below average. I can’t help but think if I hadn’t eaten a third of a box of cookies (OK, half, half a box of cookies!) the day before I went in for my test I would be fine. So, baby girl, there’s a lesson in there. If one day you’re pregnant and you go in for a diabetes test, try not to gorge on chocolate the day before – it doesn’t help!

When all’s said and done, I’ll keep doing the tests, the diet and the exercise because I’ll do anything to know you’re OK. It’s funny how much I worry about you already – and it’s only going to get worse! Not long ago, your Gran told me she worries about us all every day. I was incredulous. What does she need to worry about me for? I’m 32, I have a great job, a decent income, a wonderful partner … I’m beginning to understand now. We mums can’t help it, we worry about our babies, no matter what.

So baby girl, keep well. Next week marks the last trimester. I can’t wait for it to be over. Not only because I want to not be pregnant, but because I want to meet you. I was never keen on the idea of being pregnant, but I’ve always been keen on the idea of having you.

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